I just made out with a guy for $7.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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