you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
