remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
