whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I need water and some morals
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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