I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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