Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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