dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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