one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
