the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
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I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
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CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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