ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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