I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
