It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
