and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
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She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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