I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
