well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
