i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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