Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
