I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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