I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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