well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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