Princesses don't give blow jobs
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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