Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
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I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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