Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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