Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
