wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
