Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
