i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
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You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
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That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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