We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
