I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
