yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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