Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
