hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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