Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
