What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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