a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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