oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
