Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
