You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
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I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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