i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
