i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
