i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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