My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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