i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
