I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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