I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
they're like a gay fantastic four
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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