I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
