Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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