then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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