You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
