is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
