i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
