Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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