the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
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I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
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No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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