He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
