The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
