Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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