That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
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