I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I need to sanitize my soul.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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