i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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