i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
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No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
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I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
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