you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
