You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
