Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize