I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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