it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
