I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
