Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
