oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
