New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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