Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
