he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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