the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
