If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
