After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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