Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
